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Things I told myself I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever do to my kids before I became a mom…


All photos on this page courtesy of (thank you, Katie! I really like ’em, even the goofy ones!)

1. Wipe their snotty nose with my BARE hand. Gross!!

I know, I know. Disgusting. I wash my hands immediately after, and it’s only out of desperation and lack of tissues. It’s ok. You don’t have to shake my hand.

2. Allow them to eat a carrot off the floor.

The healthy cancels out any bad germs, right??

3. Lick my thumb and rub it on their cheek to remove a smudge.

Darn. I feel like that obnoxious aunt in the movies.

4. Say “Do you need to go potty?” It’s bathroom. Bathroom, for Pete’s sake!

Yes! One I’ve managed to keep my word on! Sorry friends, it’s nothing personal. I just can’t get myself to refer to the toilet in toddler terms.

5. Pick a booger for them.

The sink is right there, and no tissues are in sight. I’m desperate and out of options. I certainly can’t let them pick it themselves and eat it!

6. Drink from a water bottle after them (you know the one, it’s swimming with floaties of heaven only knows what!).

Did I really just admit to that?

7. Cry while reading a children’s book. It’s written for kids, why would I get all emotional?

The Little Engine that Could, The Poky Little Puppy, You Are Special, Disney’s Planes, The Napping House… When you become a mom you just cry over everything. Right?

8. Say, “Oh, they just grow up so fast!” Isn’t there anything else that can be said to fill in that awkward silence?

But they do grow up SO FAST!

9. Devour parenting books like there’s no tomorrow (cause I would be way too proud to admit I’m flying by the seat of my pants half the time).

I admit, I fly by the seat of my pants half the time.

10. Wear dorky “mom clothes” just because they’re WAY more comfortable than anything in style.

Doggonit, they really ARE way more comfortable than anything in style.

11. Become my child’s garbage disposal when they can’t finish their Mac and cheese.

And let it go to waste??

12. Let them spit something into my hand.

If they weren’t my own blood, this would never happen. Ever.

…And then I became a Mom.


By the way, my sister-in-law takes really great pictures and took family photos for us this weekend. She wrote a blog post and put some of the awesome-in-a-not-so-wall-worthy-way pictures in it…the better pictures are to come, but her post made my husband and me almost choke on our toothpaste laughing. Here it is!

Katie Jane Photos–No Boy at All

Categories: children, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

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